How to turn peer pressure on its head?

Another student suicide, peer pressure blamed.

A headline like the one above is quite a common sight in today’s newspapers. A life lost is reason enough to take this subject seriously but then again this is not about just one life, peer pressure is something that everyone has faced. Yet, we allow it to overcome us to such an extent that we can no longer contain it and precious lives are lost.

How can a student face peer pressure? Is peer pressure a villain or can it be a friend as well? These are some of the questions that this article deals with.

If you have ever been asked to drink a cup of coffee that you didn’t want and you agreed, then you know peer pressure first hand as you gave in to it when you said yes. Well like so many things in the world, peer pressure by itself is not bad and it comes in harmless forms as well. Yet, it is also a fact that peer pressure is the deadly reason behind thousands of lives turning upside down throughout the world.

Is a knife bad? No, but in the hands of the wrong person it becomes a weapon while in another pair of hands that same object can very well cut fruits. Same is the case with peer pressure lives can be made as well as destroyed through peer pressure. Unfortunately, negative peer pressure is destroying far too many lives for us to be comfortable in our cocoons, we need to know the problem and be the solution.

Peer pressure [noun] — social pressure by members of one’s peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, or otherwise conform in order to be accepted. [http://dictionary.reference.com]

This is a very interesting definition. It not only gives the meaning of the term but also points out the problem. It says peer pressure is social pressure by members of one’s peer, or in other words one from among the person’s friends, colleagues and relatives, to do something. Well, what’s wrong with that, we all have been forced to drink a cup of tea on numerous occasions, did we go into depression due to it, no we did not. Then how come so many people especially the young get affected by it, well the answer lies in the second part of the definition, where it says ‘… in order to be accepted’.

The problem starts when a person has to do a particular task to conform or to be accepted. A person cannot be a part of a certain ‘cool’ group if he does not smoke or wear branded clothes, these are some realities in today’s campuses, these are the very attitudes and mentalities that serve as the perfect breeding grounds for lives to be destroyed in an evil race to be accepted. The irony here is that the word ‘peer’ means someone who is an equal of the other person, in that case there should be no need for acceptance.

Matthew 16:26: For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? (ESV)

We humans by nature seek acceptance, our Salvation experience in Jesus Christ is the biggest evidence of our need for acceptance. The problem starts when we have to be someone else to be accepted. After all, what is the point of being someone else, others may like us that way but will we like ourselves to be someone that we are not.

The compulsive drive to conform

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. Friedrich Nietzsche(German Philosopher, critical of Christendom)

‘Everyone does it’ is such a common early bird excuse to fall into peer pressure. The ‘cool’ friend says ‘smoke’ and the new guy, though not willing eventually does give in by taking up the ‘everyone does it attitude’, thinking he will be accepted into ‘the gang’. It is true that certain reasons can make a particular student or person vulnerable to peer pressure, the real culprit here is that desire to fit in or be accepted and these are the very students who face the after effects later in their lives. The student or person may think that if he does not conform to the peer pressure he will be left out or he will miss out. Well, most peer pressure survivors will tell you that missing out on the fun is a lesser pain compared to the after effects of giving in to wrong peer pressure.

Romans 12:2: Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (ESV)

What’s the way out?

Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. Unknown

It is fine not to conform to the accepted trends of the society, we need to know what is acceptable to God and we need to remember that out of his immense love he has appointed each one of us as his ambassadors. So we cannot fall into the temptation of being accepted, Jesus has already accepted us as his friend, what acceptance can be greater than that. Therefore, it is our responsibility to help students or people facing peer pressure and at the same time, we can be the game changers in the campus and the society by initiating and involving in positive peer pressure.

1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (ESV)

Peer pressure turned upside down becomes encouragement and inspiration

”The only pressure I’m under is the pressure I’ve put on myself.” Mark Messier (Canadian Ice Hockey player)

There is nothing that we cannot overcome, God is with us, the very Creator of the Universe, what can be hard for him, nothing. So if you have given in to negative peer pressure or are struggling with it stand up to it, like in everything pray hard and spend good personal time with the Lord, seek strength and support from people who accept you just the way you are.

Galatians 1:10: For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (ESV)

As servants of Christ, we have some responsibilities, we are the history makers, how will we ever make an impact if we ourselves allow peer pressure to rule us when we can so easily use it to make an impact in other people’s lives and help others.

The positive peer pressure is so clearly evident in the relationship between Paul and Timothy, though they were of different age yet they were colleagues. Paul as the senior guy so wonderfully encourages Timothy and shows him what he can be in Christ. We can so easily put it to practice in our own lives by encouraging friends, classmates or juniors to be all that they can be. This is the role of a mentor of a disciple maker right there, history makers will be made this way. We need to be people who will not follow the stream.

Only dead fish swim with the stream. Malcolm Muggeridge (Journalist, who followed the stream before being Born Again)

Yes, we need to be in the stream, but we need not follow it. Be a peer who motivates, encourages and builds. Be careful that in the process you do not extinguish the individuality of the individual because that is what negative peer pressure does. Be a disciple maker who builds disciples, be a group of friends that grows together in the Lord and in all other matters through the Lord. Be available to your friends in need. Do not back out when you need to take decisive action or when you need to take a stand. To conclude let us define peer pressure as given below:

Peer pressure [noun] — social encouragement by members of one’s peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, for the betterment of the individual and thus also of the Church and the Society.

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